Facing My Own Demons
by CJSpooks
Summary: Set after “Silent Enemy”. An entry from the journal of Lt. Malcolm Reed, Malcolm goes home to face his demons. Malcolm’s POV and not exactly part of any timeline.


Title: Facing My Own Demons

Author: CJSpooks

E-mail: CJSpooks@aol.com

Spoilers: Little ones for "Silent Enemy" 

Rated: PG 

Category: Angst 

Author's Notes: I came up with this story after watching "Silent Enemy" for the second time. It was several months ago. I have no idea why I didn't type it up before. I think I misplaced it with one of my other stories. Well anyway, that's another story. I'm babbling again, sorry.

Summary: Set after "Silent Enemy". An entry from the journal of Lt. Malcolm Reed, Malcolm goes home to face his demons. Malcolm's POV and not exactly part of any timeline.

Disclaimer: I wrote "Facing Demons" The poem mentioned in the story. I don't own these characters. I'm borrowing them for no reason at all except my pleasure and to please my fantastic audience. I just wish Malcolm were mine. If he were mine, he'd have more screen time and more episodes centered on him. Also, If Malcolm and Hoshi were mine, they'd be together already…and very happy. Please, don't sue. I don't own much stuff. I only have a TV, VCR, CD player, some crappy CDs, way too much X-Files, Enterprise, and Star Wars merchandise, lots of marble composition notebooks full of writing, a collection of Snapple bottle caps, and a bunch of crazy crap on the walls.

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Lieutenant Malcolm Reed's Personal Journal: Strictly Confidential

We're all going on shore leave, the whole crew I mean. Enterprise is going back to Jupiter Station for some new upgrades and repairs. It'll take at least two months. The captain, though a little irritated, liked the idea of coming home for a short vacation. He relieved all of us of our duties as of today at 1100 hours. 

Everyone has plans. The Captain will return to his apartment in San Francisco with Porthos. T'Pol will go back to Vulcan to brief the High Command of our progress. Trip will stay in San Francisco for a few days and then go to see his family (He also mentioned going to see someone named Natalie from Pensacola). A Vulcan vessel will take Travis to visit his parents' cargo ship. Dr. Phlox will go back to the Starfleet medical facilities. Hoshi says she will go back to her teaching job at some university. 

I, on the other hand, don't know what to do or where to go. I could stay in San Francisco. There I could check out my old hangouts and board with my so-called best friend, Mark. I could always go back to England to remember old times and maybe I could talk to my old flames. Oh, that wouldn't be right, they probably hate me. I could always see my sweet sister, Madeline and tell her of my adventures. I could visit my uncle or aunts. No, No, I'm an intrusion anywhere I go. They're all really busy with their lives and I have no place in them. 

I could see my mum and dad in Malaysia. My mum still loves me, I feel very sorry for leaving without a good-bye many years ago. I hope I didn't break her sweet, kind heart. My dad, of course, hates me for joining Starfleet and breaking the "Reed Family Tradition". Even though I'm an armory officer like my grandfather, nothing is good enough for my father. He wanted me to be just like the others, just like him. 

Well I say the damn tradition can go to hell with the rest of the Reed bastards who didn't have their own minds to do what ever they wanted. I joined Starfleet to be different and because it's my passion. I love my weapons, my life's work. I love the stars. I belong on the USS Enterprise in space, not some bloody ship floating in the ocean. The ocean doesn't interest me and besides, I get seasick. I have many allergies and being on a ship outside in the open might kill me. 

I can't believe I was never man enough to speak up to my father. I always did as I was told and I took any pain that was given in silence. My father hates me for being unlike him. I believe this makes me a better man. My father tries to break me by saying I'm a wimp, that I'm weak and accusing me of being homosexual (I'm still trying to convince him that I'm not). I hate the fact that I always disappointed him. Even if I did better than everyone else and even my personal best, he wouldn't care. He'd say I was lazy or stupid. He pushed me so hard when I was younger. I was never good enough for him. 

I hate him so much. That's the reason I didn't call home after we left San Francisco. I sent a letter to my mum, but not to dad. He never wanted to talk to me. So why bother? Anyway, back to my original point of this entry.

I had nowhere to go. I didn't tell anyone but I think they sensed it so, they asked me if I wanted to go with them. The Captain, Trip, Travis, Dr. Phlox, Hoshi, and even T'Pol asked me to go with them. What would I do if I went with them? I would just be in the way. So, I declined each request politely and told them that I had to face my demons. I didn't go into further explanation because I didn't need to. They all looked at me in confusion after I said that, except Hoshi. She just winked at me. 

My bags are all packed now. The vessel taking me to Malaysia will take a long time but I don't really care. This time will help me gather my thoughts. I need to mentally prepare or I may not survive my father's physical and mental abuse. 

End of journal entry.

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On ride to Malaysia…

I open my bag. The first item I see is a candid picture of Trip and me on the bridge after shift. We're making goofy faces. I smile as I remember that day. Trip wanted a picture of me for his collection and I wanted him to leave me alone so I could do finish my work. Trip tricked me into looking up from my console and he snapped a picture. I then threatened him with a phase pistol so we took this goofy picture. Trip was kind enough to give me a copy for a late birthday present.

The next item is a model torpedo Captain Archer gave me. He made it himself from looking at my blueprints of a new prototype. The shape and color is all wrong and Porthos chewed on it once but the thought was there.

Next, I picked up a jar with parasite skeletons in it that Dr. Phlox gave me (don't ask). 

T'Pol gave me a PADD that had an encyclopedia of human and Vulcan weapons of the past and present on it. It is very informative.

Travis gave me a bottle of something that smells like garbage but it is supposed to enhance the senses. I'm too scared to consume it, not even a little sip. But at least I know it enhances the sense of smell.

Hoshi's gift is more meaningful to me. I take it out of my bag last. It's a small book. It's about the same size as my journal except it has poems in it. My favorite one is "Facing Demons". Hoshi winked at me again when she gave it to me. I read the poem and I think of everything I've gone through:

Facing Demons

By CJ Zero (Author's Note: 'CJ Zero' is another one of my many aliases!) 

Here I go now

I'm off to face my demons

They used to scare me

And they used to make me insane

But now I'm older

But now I'm wiser

But now I'm ready

I'm ready to fight

For my life

They used to taunt me

And they used to hurt me bad

But now I'm smarter

But now I'm content

But now I'm feared

Feared by my enemies

They try to run and hide

They used to make me so angry

They used to make me cry

But now I'm confident

But now I'm normal

But now I'm brave

The demons can't hurt me anymore

I don't feel pain

I'm above that now

No longer am I insane

I belong to no one

They own me no longer

I step in front of my demons

And I let out a deep breath

Time to face my demons

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I read the poem over and over until the vessel stops in front of my parents' home. I straighten up and I knock on the door. Fortunately, my mum answers.

"Malcolm? This is surely unexpected. We've been so worried." She gives me a tight hug; "I've missed my boy so much."

My father hears her and he calls, "Mary, who are you talking to?"

He walks to the door and sees me. "Malcolm! How come you didn't call?"

"Sir, I've been quite busy with my duties on Enterprise. I apologize for worrying you and mum."

"It's all right, Malcolm." –My mum says smiling. Tears roll down her face in happiness.

"May I have permission to come inside, sir? We need to talk." –I ask my father.

"It's going to rain and we wouldn't want you to catch a cold so permission is granted, Malcolm." –My father says

I walk in and I let out a deep breath. Time to face my demons.

~End of story~ 


End file.
